To Juice, or Not to Juice...

This is my question.

Juice Feasting is a 92-day process during which the juice feaster consumes only fresh veggie and fruit juice, with some bee pollen and other supplements. You can drink all the juice you want, which is great news because I don't know about you, but I can never get enough celery juice. Yumm...The purpose of a juice feast is to clear out your system and restore your health.

Testimonials heralding the success of juice feasting mention a loss of interest in cooked and processed foods upon breaking the feast. Never crave a cinnamon roll again! You will be so thrilled with your energy and wellness, and your body will crave the purity of bee pollen and Spinach-Apple-Celery juice, that you will wonder why anyone eats chicken nuggets and spare ribs!

What sort of cultish brainwashing is a juice feast capable of? Who knew produce were such proselytizers. I am sure that Amish people don’t miss electricity, Republicans don’t miss their souls, and if you have never watched Dexter than you certainly don’t get excited about new episodes…but is this necessarily a good thing?

I mean, what good is perfect health, the Fountain of Youth, if you find no joy in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s?

Juan Ponce de León went in search of the Fountain of Youth. Some say he was looking for a cure for sexual impotence, which may be one and the same, but that is for another post…Although he never found the fountain, he did discover Florida. He thus began a trend in the United States where old people migrate to Florida to search for the Fountain of Youth. It is kind of like the Hajj pilgrimage to Mecca, only instead of the ritual Stoning of the Devil and shaving your head, you play bridge and wear Hawaiian Shirts.

I do believe that the real Fountain of Youth is healthful eating. Or in the case of juice, drinking. Making the necessary changes, however, is not as easy as one might assume. Armed with the awareness that I can increase my energy and focus, avoid illness, and remove toxins from my body, you would think that I could swear off frozen yogurt and bacon, and simply ride off into the sunset with a Green Smoothie. But all I can think about is how I will miss food at social gatherings, how I will survive on only liquids for 92 days, and how I will go on a date with anyone without looking crazy. Come on, I like to hide my insanity until at least the 5th date.

More than any of my fears about the actual juice feast, my biggest fear about this whole process is that I will lose interest in some of the foods I once loved. How terrible would it be to never want an Inn n Out burger again? Or a piece of Grammaw’s ollalieberry pie? To miss out on these pleasures of life seems like a steep price to pay for the fountain of youth. Then again, at least I won’t have to sell my soul.